We interrupt this regularly scheduled program

I didn't get to watch Ugly Betty tonight, because they kept interrupting the station for the Emergency Broadcast System, except when the announcement was over, it kept going back to bull-riding on FSN. Bull-riding? I actually had to listen to an announcer talk about how out of it us city folk are because we think the animals are mistreated and how bull-riding was the most humbling sport in the world. This was just what I picked up while trying to find a razor blade to slit my wrists with.

I'm not too upset about missing the show; it just means that Villi and I can watch this weekend. It better be good, and it better have a lot of Henry in it. I love Henry, aka Christopher Gorman, aka Captain Nerdsexy. Hmmm, wouldn't it be weird if the next show I watch him his character's name was William? Then it would be William Henry Harrison. That strikes me as the exact type of thing that would endear me to Henry, if he wasn't a fictional character and all.

Very close to the end of the semester. I hope I make it.

Interiority

One of my favorite books of all times is Douglas Coupland's Microserfs. The entire book is full of nuggets of chocolate-caramel truth, but there is one passage that really stuck with me and became my #1 oft-quoted thing at cocktail parties (I think I have gone to more than one, so I'll stick with the plural). Ethan, talking to Dan and Karla, explains that random is just the word we use for a pattern that is too big to be seen. Like I said, this idea hit me hard and never let go. For me, it was a way to reconcile my belief in science with my persistent, preternatural belief in mysticism.

This idea and definition of random permeates my perception of the world. When I can find the little patterns, it encourages me. When I can't find the patterns, I simply chalk it up to this pattern being "too big" for me to see. Astronomy class very nearly killed this belief for me by showing me things and concepts that were so large as to boggle the mind; can a system this unbelievably large still be governed by patterns that are even larger? At first, it didn't seem possible. But really, once I reconciled myself to the existance of the fantastically gigantic universe, imagining a force even bigger wasn't really all that difficult. So, unabated, I continue looking for the patterns, hoping to solve a mystery.

I never expected, when asking the question "who wrote the music in my favorite commercial," that my answer would be "so that is why Jenny kept calling Stacy Merkin a vagina wig."

You are off the fucking chain

We (some folks from work) went to see Hot Fuzz last night. Although a little stung by the $9.50 price tag, I did sneak in a pepsi and some island crunch trail mix, so the evening cost me less than $10. The movie was very funny with little nods to some of the best lines and scenes from Shaun of the Dead. A note to the makers of Pirates of the Caribbean: that is how you shout out to your first film without shitting all over the second. I’m a huge fan of mainstream British cinema, and this film delivered. It started a little slow but in a very forgivable we’re-just-laying-out-the-backstory way. The last 40 minutes of the movie are cinematic gold, but I could be biased, since the movie pays tribute to Point Break, my favorite cop movie of all time. At one point in the movie, when yelling about how un-ridiculous a completely ridiculous plot twist actually is, I got to thinking about how highly implausible Point Break actually is. Don’t fret, though, it only raised my admiration of the movie and cast even more. If you can make a good movie about bank-robbing surfers and the undercover FBI agent sent to apprehend them, then you have something to be proud of.

In other news – it is fucking snowing again.

Don't tread on me

The saga of the washing machine continues. At this point, I think it should have its own CNN ticker or RSS feeds so people can periodically check in and see if our washer is working. Here is a timeline for someone wandering to the site, so you can appreciate the full pain of this nightmare.

June 8, 2006
Move into the house (find out there is no air conditioning but that is another post altogether)

June 11, 2006 (or thereabouts)
Try to do a load of laundry. Get weird F/DL error when doing laundry. Clothes actually get trapped in the washer. Research on internet reveals that this is the door lock error and is super common on stupid whirlpool duet machines.

June 13, 2006
Dig through bucket of paper left by home owners to find the warranty information. Have to contact maytag dependability to set up appointment. Call them and pretend to be the wife of the guy we're renting the house from. Feel awkward and a little dirty. They will call the local repair company, who will then contact me to setup an appointment.

June 14-19, 2006
No call

June 20, 2006
Someone calls to confirm my appointment for the following day. Explain that I was never contacted to setup the appointment, and so, I will have to reschedule. The next appointment they have is 10 days out.

June 30, 2006
Repairman shows up to fix the washer. He tells me "there are only two things that cause this error. One is the actual door lock and the other is electrical." The door lock isn't broken. He has to order the part for the electrical problem.

July 2, 2006
The door lock actually gets broken with brute application of force.

July 3-10, 2006
No contact.

July 11, 2006
I call the appliance people to find out what the f-ing deal is. They tell me that the Maytag has refused to allow the part to be ordered. I ask why, and they tell me they don't know. I have to call Maytag.

Maytag tells me that the serial number and model number are wrong. I start to lose my mind.

July 14, 2006
I fax in the certificates and receipts I have on file. Maytag has to research this.

July 17, 2006
Maytag calls me back and says they can't change the serial number. I will have to contact the original reseller to have this updated.

July 18-24, 2006
I play phone tag with the man in charge of Maytag paperwork at Appliance Factory Outlet.

July 25, 2006
I get a hold of the elusive AFO guy and get the paper work faxed over.

July 26, 2006
He calls me back to say that the account has been updated and the part ordered. He tells me that dispatch will be in touch to set up an appointment.

August 1, 2006
Dispatch calls to confirm my appointment. Again, I haven't ever set up an appointment. I can, however, keep this appointment.

August 4, 2006
The washing machine is fixed.

March 14, 2007
We start to get the error messages on the washing machine again. For a while, a well timed smack to the top of the machine is what is necessary to get it started.

March 15-April 2, 2007
Laundry takes days and days to complete. I honestly start thinking about buying a washboard or gun.

April 3, 2007
I have a washing machine related meltdown

April 4, 2007
I call Maytag to set up a service call after sending my fax (if you read the link above, you would find out that somehow the purchase price of the washer got entered in as $8 and I had to send in proof of purchase price.)

They confirm receipt of the fax and say they will contact AOF.

April 7, 2007
AOF calls to set up an appointment. They don't have anything until Friday April 20th.

April 8-19, 2007
Washing machine becomes bi-polar. Works sometimes and then abruptly stops. Refuses to open for 45 minutes and then finally unlocks.

April 20, 2007
The technician, Hector calls at 9:15 AM to inform me he will be there before 10 AM.

12:00 PM Hector has still not arrived.

1:00 PM I call the dispatch number to check on Hector and see if he is maybe dead or something. He(dispatch guy never gives me his name) tells me that Hector is on his way.

2:00 PM Hector has still not arrived.

2:15 PM Hector calls me to tell me his is on his way.

2:30 PM Hector calls me to get directions to my house.

2:50 PM Hector calls again to get directions. Have to actually talk him to my house.

3:30 PM My dad calls to confirm that he arrived and is working.

4:15 PM My dad calls back to tell me that the tech said he had to order a part and was going to call to see if they had it at the warehouse. Hector then got into his truck and drove away.

4:20 PM I call dispatch to find out what the hell happened, but they are closed for the day.

April 23, 2007
I call the dispatch to find out what happened to Hector and when I can expect something to happen. Lady tells me that the part is on order.

10:30 AM Dispatch calls back to schedule appointment for installation of new part- date confirmed Saturday April 28, 2007.

How much longer can this go on?

Criss Cross will make ya jumpjump

Nothing new to report. I thought about writing about the Virginia Tech shootings and that tipping point where it stops being tragic and starts getting oddly garish and surreal, but I don’t really have the energy to defend or describe this idea.

So, instead, I will talk about the fact that this weekend we will be planting lettuce. Our mesclun sprouts are through the roof, they are totally ready to go in the ground and start making me some yummy salad greens.

This is a weak post.

Continuing with the theme

As I mentioned yesterday, the CDC has reclassified Gonorrhea.

Today, a news site reported on this with an uncaptioned picture of Paris Hilton. Get it? She is synonymous with Gonorrhea.

HAHA

http://www.alaskareport.com/z45749.htm

FYI

Gonorrhea is now a drug-resistant super-virus. Keep that in mind as you plan your weekend.

Nice stems

So, it was raise day today at work. That is always a good time. Beyond that I don't have much to report, but I did manage to get two whole loads of laundry put away.

I went to find the Ashanti video that I alluded to last post and guess what? The guy who plays the Henry Hill character is none other than Terrance Howard, one of my dad's favorite actors. It all comes full circle now.

Here is the video, if you have never seen it. I think they wussed out in the bedroom scene by not having her have a gun. And then not having him knock her on her ass, but maybe that is just me.

Fuck you, pay me.

We went shopping this weekend for all sorts of fun stuff. We were officially out looking for plates for our dining room. It feels like we have been shopping for and replacing stuff in our dining room forever, but I feel like right now, we may actually be done. We got this off-white café plates that are well suited to the off-white, frenchness of our dining room. We even got a large serving platter and bowls for stuff. We should be hosting the family’s thanksgiving this year so it’s a good time to start planning for that, at Easter.

At best buy we picked up some new games and stuff and a copy of goodfellas on blu-ray. Since I had never seen the movie, it was decided that we should invite my dad over to watch it post haste. But first, he took us out to dinner. He has recently come into some money which he will not let me borrow or have. He did take us out to dinner, though. For Chinese. Yum.

Watching the movie I felt an uncomfortable pang of jealously watching Lorraine Bracco and Ray Liotta fall in love. I thought, for a brief second, that I might actually want to be married. Then, I realized I just want to be married to a made man. I could do without the cocaine habit, but I would love to be able to ask for stacks of cash.

I was also embarrassed that all of my knowledge about goodfellas was limited to my knowledge of the Ashanti video based on the movie and what I managed to glean from I love the 90s. I’m a loser.

Muchas Gracias

Thanks to everyone for their actions/concerns in the face of my mental breakdown. I can only say that the news of my death has been greatly exaggerated. With some help from Villi I got a working version of my essay done and might be climbing out of the hole tonight.

Way looking forward to the weekend.

thank you

A basket of chocolate and rubies outside my door wouldn't have been more welcome this morning.

And now I have no clean pants, since they are trapped in the washing machine. I do, however, have a three inch gash on my left arm from the dryer sheets box and a bruised right fist from banging on the top of the washer. I'm taking three tylenol PMs and going to bed. Fuck the laundry. Fuck virginia woolf. FUck the world.

Really losing my shit

So, I have paper due in 24 hours that I haven't even started because I was too busy failing my statistics test last night. I'm also out of clothes and the washing machine has been on the fritz. I go to down to do a load of laundry and of course the load of towels in there is errored out and smells like moldy pee. So I start the load over and add some more soap and give it a bang and pray that it runs so I can have just one clean pair of pants for tomorrow. Since it appears to be my job, I give the repair people a call, afraid that I will have to give up hours on the phone like I did last time, when I found out that the appliance store never changed the serial number the first time they replaced this piece of shit machine. I get on the phone and have to pretend to be married to the asshole I rent the house from and think, "God if I could just get an appointment scheduled, wouldn't that be fucking great?" But, that ain't the way this shit works. The service rep informs me that the purchase price on my unit has been entered in incorrectly (probably by the dumb fucking shit that updated the serial number last time) and until proof of purchase is faxed in, they can't do anything. I will say one thing about that fake asshole husband of mine, he is one meticulous son-of-a-bitch, because the paper work is all here. I type out a fax cover sheet and set that aside to fax in tomorrow. We have a fax machine at home, but it ain't hooked to a phone line, go figure. After this, I go back downstairs just to see that the washing machine has errored out again. So I bang on it and curse at it and break down in tears. I'm so frustrated. I finally pull the sopping towels out of the washer and throw them in the dryer, because that is as far as the spin cycle will go and I have to wash pants because I already wore dirty clothes to work today. I contemplate, just for a few minutes, about going to sears, buying a washer and dryer and having them installed. I'm really that fed up about it. I finally get my clothes started and stop crying and I go upstairs to find the trash overturned and garbage strewn everywhere. A little gift to me for lacking the ability to be in two places at once. I chase the dog around yelling alternately at her and the bit of bread she had stolen, finally chasing her downstairs, where, predictably, the washer has stopped washing again. It's about here that I really, really, really, start to flip out and I leave the room so I don't kill the dogs. Instead of coming upstairs to work on my paper, I have to get this off my chest first. Oh christ.

officially losing my shit

This is one of those points in the semester where all the classes seem to converge into one river of "kickin-your-ass." I'm drowning. Got a 58% on my statistics test. Crap.

Now who's laughing

Google's April Fool's day prank is really funny. I wonder how many people wrote in and requested the toliet broadband package. Dinner of spaghettios and off to bed.