So beautiful

Shame

I've all but abandoned this page for facebook; it's easier. Facebook is like heating a can of soup up on the stove. This is real cooking.

Some of the things I think about or want to write about can't be discussed in 50 words, in the third person. To feel better about it I have to give the backstory, plead my case, and use first person, and I still feel more comfortable in the general anonymity of this page. It makes me feel safer when I choose to discuss some of the illogical rules that govern my life, not quite so judged. Like when I tell people that I always pay for the software I use to pirate media, they think it is strange. It's just the rule. Or another rule, don't say I love you first. I told a friend this rule, and she asked me what I would do if the other person lived by this rule, too. She was implying that my rigidity, my need for control, my trust issues were going to hurt me in the end. Probably, because they already had.

I've got very little experience with being in love. Hmm, this got more painfully confessional than I expected. I'll try again another day.

well, she probably won't talk to me again

Have you ever done something kind of weird, decided to explain your choice, gotten about halfway through your explanation, and realized you would have seemed far less crazy if you hadn’t tried to justify your decision?

Just happened to me in the bathroom on my floor.  I actually used the phrase buffer-stall.  I’m pretty horrified.  Sorry, lady.

 

Acting...brilliant...thank you

I received the worst present ever on Valentine's Day. It was a book called Fearless Loving. My mom gave me a copy. It was my mom's way of saying, "I thought you might need some help not becoming a spinster." I donated my copy, unread, to the library. Even if I was a reader of self-help books, the stigma attached to that particular title was too much for me to ignore. As a rule, I think it is a bad idea to give anyone a self-help book unless they ask for it. Otherwise, it just seems like passive-aggressive judgment on their lives. I think we get enough unsolicited judgment from other outlets. When presed, though, I do recommend Cathryn Michon's The Grrl Genius Guide to Life. The book contains her funny stories lightly spun to be helpful advice, so I think the book is mostly just amusing. The premise behind the book, however, is important.

She points out that men are quick to call themselves geniuses for anything. "I'm a genius at the grill." "You should see me parallel park; it's genius." Women tend to demure and downplay their accomplishments. Her big lesson in the book is learning to talk yourself up, no matter how small or silly the achievement. It's a guide to self-aggrandizement. I think it is a great lesson for all women to learn.

With that in mind, I am going to say that my mediaserver is the most genius thing ever. Not only is it the first computer I built from scratch, but now that I have a working hi-def dvr on the machine, it is truly a thing of beauty. I'm just a blu-ray burner away from a lucrative piracy business on ebay.

I encourage all the girls and women out there to call themselves a genius at something today. Anything. It feels fantastic.

Managed to come back from vacation both sick and tired

My vacation was not terribly relaxing.  First, it is nigh impossible to travel with your family for any extended time without wanting to murder them.  This trip was no exception.  I think, finally, I have learned my lesson.

 

I’d like to say that I am more likely to post now, but I came with a story idea last night and want to develop that. In addition, my sister and I fitted up our music room yesterday.  Time to start using all those shiny and costly instruments.

 

Wretched news on the work front

When valuable employees leave, it is sad.  Now I have to hire again.

 

 

 

Huzzah

The grade I had been panicking about, having not heard anything from my teacher about my research paper, posted on Tuesday.  With that final A, I am officially done with my BA.  The one benefit to this delay is that it allowed me to slowly come to this realization, preventing the predicted meltdown.  Right now, I am in full planning mode for Hawaii, trying to get my suitcase plan just so.  My sister and I have planned the books we will share on the trip.  I still have to buy Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  I love leisure reading.  I forgot how nice it can be.  I couldn’t get into It Can’t Happen Here.  I’m reading Tender Morsels right now.  “It hovered there behind her at the cliff-edge, laboring to contain its glory.”  I really liked the idea of being so awesome you have to labor to contain your glory. 

 

Turns out NBA goes into June.  It’s a mediocre substitute to college basketball, but it will do.  I miss the 35 second shot clock, the possession arrow, and the lack of continuation.  I was hoping for a Cavs/Nuggets final, but I may switch to Nuggets/Magic, just so that Nike and Vitamin Water lose a bunch of money for backing the wrong horses.

 

I’m going to try to be better about updating.  All the blogs I read have stopped updating. There must be some May malaise happening.

My goal for Hawaii

Is to not have to be air lifted out of something (beach, volcano, etc.)  Hawaii is in like 18 days, and I feel completely unprepared for it. 

 

 

I wish I were at the Plaza again

Maybe some more dinner at Tao and a show.  Anywhere but here.

 

wow

16 minutes into my day and already agitated as fuck.  Doesn’t bode well for this Thursday.