Master Ralph Parker

Since I submitted my first piece to McSweeney's, I have been checking my email everyday, religiously, to see if I got something. Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, I came back to the hotel and checked my email as an afterthought (hooray for free wifi)and, of course, since I hadn't been looking for the response when I checked my email, I got a response.

This piece will not be published. It's funny, I thought it wasn't up to snuff, but to read someone else passing on it still hurt my feelings. I had already written a second piece to submit and considered, for a few minutes, throwing it away and giving up. Giving up is something I have done my whole life, so I have lots of practice on it. Because I am already a master at giving up, I decided it would be more beneficial to try again. So I am going to.

Speaking of giving up, I just barely registered for classes today. I got all flustered when I found out I still had core to do, in addition to the credits I transferred over from my Associates degree. I was, again, just going to give up, but thanks to some guidance from Villi, I got it all sorted out. Phew.

Today was thanksgiving with my family. Because we had an actual factual reunion, we had to rent out a party house with space for all of us. The dinner was delicious and aside from being jealous of the kids, who got a moon bounce to play on all day, it was a good time. After I clean up, I will be heading back over to their house.

I will leave you with my first mcsweeney's rejection - Moonroof and Sunroof go to Chilis.

Sunroof: Sorry I’m late; I was just –
Moonroof: You were just sitting in your car deciding whether to come in?
Sunroof: No, uh, I was finishing up a phone call.
Moonroof: Ok, well, I ordered you a Corona.
Sunroof: You know I hate beer.
Moonroof: Since when? Alright, we will get you something else and I will drink your beer. Did you want to get some appetizers? The Southwest Eggrolls are great. Where is the waitress?
Sunroof: No, I can’t stay long. I have to pick up my dry cleaning and stop by the post office before I go get Beth from Yoga. What did you want to, uh, talk about?
Moonroof: Us.
Sunroof: What about us?
Moonroof: Well, since the funeral, there hasn’t really been an US and I wanted to talk about that.
Sunroof: I don’t know what you mean.
Moonroof: Oh really? How come you haven’t been over to play pool on Saturdays like you promised? Or come over to see the baby?
Sunroof: I told you; I hurt my shoulder at work and shouldn’t play pool.
Moonroof: Christ, this isn’t about playing pool. It’s about us spending time together, as brothers.
Sunroof: That’s easy for you to say.
Moonroof: What do you mean?
Sunroof: Excuse me, miss. It’s like she’s ignoring us.
Moonroof: Forget the waitress. I want to know what you mean.
Sunroof: Don’t be stupid. Because I was the oldest, I was just a stupid panel made of metal. Dad always thought I was ugly.
Moonroof: Did dad ever say that?
Sunroof: Well, no, but what did you get for your 16th birthday?
Moonroof: I see where you are going and this-
Sunroof: Just answer the question.
Moonroof: I got a car.
Sunroof: Exactly, and what did I get? A trip to fat camp. I know I shouldn’t blame you, but you have your tinted glass and your tilt and Meg-
Moonroof: What? Wait, is this still about Meghan Rufer? Are you still mad that I took her to the prom?
Sunroof: No. Not really.
Moonroof: Well, what then?
Sunroof: It’s just everything came so easy for you. And when dad died, even that seemed easier for you. You knew how to grieve and I just felt out of place and angry. I didn’t want to be angry with him, but I was. And, I felt like everyone knew and that they were judging me. I mean, you’re the one made of glass, but I actually feel transparent.

(Sunroof embraces Moonroof and sobs uncontrollably on his shoulder. Moonroof also cries. The waitress comes over and discreetly deposits extra napkins with a knowing smile)

END SCENE

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!