Why was your Uncle microwaving your socks?

Because he can’t get the goddamn washing machine to work.

I seriously hope the fix-it repair guy can get the washing machine working. Today, I am wearing paint splattered yoga pants and a red pajama top. The top usually matches up with flannel snowflake printed pajama bottoms, but I am straight up out of clothes. I don’t seem to be capable of spending 50 minutes sitting against the washer door to hold it closed. It is just too much work and, personally, I would rather show up to work looking homeless than use my time in that manner.