Loading the gun that will shoot me

School’s got me down. Work’s got me down. Washing machine’s got me down, and you better believe that Maytag Dependability Plus has got me down. Appliance Factory’s got me down. Roommate’s got me down. Dog’s got me down. Homework’s got me down. I haven’t had a bottle of wine in almost two whole weeks. Did I mention that work’s got me down? Higher Ed’s got me down, particularly Rutgers and Rochester. Pretty much the only things that keep me going are my Simpsons’ page a day calendar, my sippy cup, and the cough-inducing wonder of otter pops.

In some strange puff of luck, I decided to cover the fire pit last night. I was just doing it to get the damn cover off the ground (I’m still not sure who or what left it lying on the ground). And then, 30 minutes later, it rained super hard and fast and I was so happy that I had put on the nylon cover. Last time the fire pit filled up with water, it made this char-y paste and soggy wood that someone dumped right into the grass (where obviously bits of wood should go). I was really pissed when I had to clean that out of the yard, so I figured I would avoid the half-assed clean up attempt by simply applying the cover to the fire pit. Oddly enough, it worked.
After it started raining, I found out that the dogs don’t like thunder, so I spent the better part of an hour sitting in the darkened, quiet dining room, trying to keep the dogs calm and content. I was rewarded for my compassion when Jean-Pierre pissed on the couch. To quote Heather Duke, sort of, “I got paid in piss.”

Below are a few things that always make me cry. This post is already pretty maudlin and wallowing in self-pity, so…

1. Imagining the man, carrying his groceries, facing off against the tanks in Tiananmen Square. In fact, just looking at the image on google, while trying to spell it, made me cry.

2. The Hallmark commercial about the old woman who checks her mailbox everyday and receives nothing, until the younger mom across the street sends her a card. When the young mom’s son comes back from across the street with the plate of cookies and says “these are from Mrs. So-and-So and she was crying,” man, that gets me every time.

3. Coming home from the CU-UT game in 2001, a few days after Douglas Adams died, there was a jeep I drove behind on the 36 tunrpike. In the dirt on his back windshield, he had written “so long and thanks for all the fish.”

4. The last 15 minutes in “Glory,” particularly when Smiley aka Private Jupiter Sharts (Jihmi Kennedy) picks up the flags to keep the colors off the ground, when Thomas (Andre Braugher) dies, and when they roll Col. Shaw’s (Matthew Broderick) body on top of Prt. Trip (Denzel Washington).