Sweet maiden of the spit, grant now my boon

Well, like any single, 27 year old girl out for a good time on her weekend, I went to the Renaissance Festival (or renfen to those in the know) and entered, catalogued and dewey decimaled my library. Do I know how to party or what? Actually, I did start the weekend off like a proper party girl/ alcoholic by drinking 1.5 bottles of wine Friday night, but I had to beg off the shots that started at 3 AM because of the stupid renaissance festival.

Like 2 months ago, I agreed, in a fit of madness, to go to the renaissance festival with my mom for her company picnic. Like 7 weeks ago, I forgot that I agreed to go to the renaissance festival and didn’t remember until I was reminded last week. It was all I could do on the phone to not yell “crap” into the receiver, thus tipping off my mother that I had in fact forgotten my promise. She would be over at 11 AM; because of this, I stopped drinking at 3 AM. It is a 35 minute drive from South Denver to Larkspur, where they are celebrating their 30th anniversary as a place for families and sad, medieval recreationists to spend their weekends. After we parked, we hiked the half mile to the entrance, where I presented my ticket to the ticket taker (ye royal admission verifier?) and he said-

“My lady, have you come here to meet a man?”

Once I recovered the ability to speak, I just muttered, “no.”

“Well, I hope the man you have is loyal and true.”

“Uh, thanks.”

That, it seemed, was a strange thing to ask someone coming into the renaissance festival and even if I am looking for a man in general, I certainly wouldn’t be looking for the love of my life from a pool of single dads and LARPers. That would be fucking stupid! Only later, when I was looking at the festival program and the weekly themes did I see that it was officially the “love and romance” weekend.

“Join our romantic rogues and fair maidens, as we create a special atmosphere for the Festival’s 30th Anniversay Journey…Singles Day: Meet the love of your life. Leave your message on the Singles Message Board. Singles party 5:00 PM at the Pirates Pub.”

Luckily, a mere 2 hours later, my mom was ready to leave. I was then able to trick her into buying us a copper fire bowl for a housewarming gift. The rest of the weekend, aside from an interesting trip to Benihana, was spent working on the ol’ library and that is too tedious and nerdy to write about.