Killing time on the company dime

The invention of email, while useful for communicating, has probably reduced productivity in the American workforce by untold percentages. This is an exchange between me and one of the consultants; it starts with a simple invitation to happy hour.

Me: I thought we may stop for happy hour this Friday to say goodbye to Ryan and hello to Dave. Anyone interested?

Him: Who?

Me: New support guy dave. We haven’t taken him out for any of the obligatory company drinking.

Him: There’s a new support guy? Where?

Me: Behind Andy, to the left of Chris. He’ll be the one carrying a red rose.

Him: I can’t wait… what should I wear?

Me: Anything that highlights your eyes.

Him: I’m not sure if pink or maroon brings the red allergy look out better

Me: Even better, you’ll look maudlin, thoughtful, concerned for your fellow man. Ditch the color, go with black.

Him: Anyone who knows me would see right through that.

Me: Yes, but that is the beauty of a blind date. You can be whoever you want, even Spiderman.

Him: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA97bT8WMSs&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ebestweekever%2Etv%2Fcategory%2Fvideos%2F yes, I know I already sent it. but it’s worth seeing a second or even third time.

Me: I wonder how much static electricity that cat gathers under that couch.

Him: Nothing would make me happier than having a cat who does that for 20 minutes, then jumps on the first person to walk into the house. The static jolt would just be terrific. I bet you’d even see an arc.