from the end of the stick to the top of the swab

A few years ago, when we were in Vegas, we went to this pub at the Monte Carlo where the shots grow on trees, literally. The usual suspects were all there and we racked up two $700 bar tabs. We was drunkish. Being inebriated, I felt no shame in going out on the dance floor and rocking out to the DJ. Villi and I probably danced for 3 hours that night and we were fucking jamming out. The next day, standing in line for our flight home, a guy came up to us and said, "you are the girls that were dancing at the Monte Carlo last night, right? You guys were dancing hard" We were shocked that not only that we made an impression, but that someone could actually pick us out at the airport. I immediately got defensive. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He just smiled and said, "oh it's a good thing," and walked off. I didn't believe him. I remained convinced that we had been a touch crazed at the bar. I believed this until last night, when I was blessed to see what the phrase "public spectacle" really meant.

Now, on principal, I don't watch Seinfeld. I just don't think it is funny, but even I have seen the Elaine dance in clips and stuff. This scene was never funny to me, because I didn't believe that someone could be that bad of a dancer and still dance in public. It didn't seem realistic, and so, it wasn't funny. Saturday night, though, I found out that there are people out there that dance just as badly as Elaine. At the Dick Dale concert, this group of Jimmy Buffett-shirt-wearing-douche-bags and their scum-sucking road-whores sat just in front of us. For the most part, they just stood there and yelled at the stage. One lady, however, decided to "dance." Sweet fucking Christ. It was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed. It was like watching a prolonged series of seizures. I would say they were set to music, but she didn't even have enough rhythm to be on beat to the music. Mostly, she just flipped her blond hair around; she obviously thought this was wildly sexy, because she did it like every 3 seconds. She also liked to grind into her husband/boyfriend and I was left with the horrific visual of her giving painfully unsexy lap dances to every boyfriend she had ever had. She actually detracted from the show, which was annoying, because every time I felt myself getting into the music, I would catch her flailing in the side of my eye and end up watching her, wondering if the power of Christ compels her.