and I hate disintegration

I have been hesitant to write over the last month. I have blamed it on sickness and basketball, but the underlying reason is chaos. My world seems to be descending into madness. Friend X hates friend Y, and there seems no hope of reconciliation. At this point, I would accept seething, clench-jawed anger behind a fake smile. And I know it sounds selfish, in the midst of their pain and frustration, but did they ever stop and think about what this would do to us? This accommodation has been exhausting; we’ve been sneaking one friend out the back door while the other comes in the front door. We’ve been toughing it out, hoping for the best, smiling politely. More likely now, both of them will just sort of stop being friends. You know how people turn into ghosts these days, right?

In my own home, we have been playing ring-around-the-powder keg, and all of us were holding fuses. Shakespeare always wrote about love, betrayal, treason, and murder, but we all know that houses usually don’t fall because of the big stuff. Instead, it is Christmas lights and recyclables, weed killer, dog food in the sink. It is always the small stuff. I guess I will have to wait and see how everything turns out, but I already have my mind focused on a possible leveraged buyout.

Even worse, I want to come here and spill my guts, but I know people read this, and you have to be careful about who you arm. So, I begin to self-censor, one thought at a time. Pretty soon, my life looks like one of those censored wartime letters that women got from their husbands on the front. All the important or dissenting words blacked out, leaving the rest of the words without meaning.

There is good news, though. It is not all tragedy. My film teacher picked me, and I’m sure a few others, as one of the chosen few to attend a lecture by Academy Award winning producer Frank Marshall (of Bourne and Indiana Jones fame). It should be very interesting. Too bad Villi and I don’t have our screenplay done. I could slip it in his briefcase during a hilarious distraction, a la I Love Lucy. Plus, I have a dentist appointment that day. Go oral hygiene is always good news.